Book #72: "Close to Famous"

When I lived in Utah, I had two friends who were both named Mike, whose last names also started with the same letter, who were assigned to be roommates when they came to college. Mike #1 once told me this story about meeting Mike #2:

"So he came into the room, and we introduced ourselves the way you do: last names, hometowns, majors. When he found out I was an English major, he said, 'English, huh? Like...books and stuff?' I said yes. He said, 'So...do you think maybe sometime you could read to me?' I said, '...sure?' Then he said, 'I never learned to read.' Which he didn't tell me was a joke until several hours later."

It is much funnier if you know the two Mikes, and it is even funnier than that if you hear Mike #1 tell it. But I tell it here because, as I said in the beginning, I think I was born knowing how to read. I have absolutely no recollection of a time before I knew how to do that, and thus no frame of reference for someone who struggles with it.

But something I do understand is loving to cook, and also wanting to succeed at something you are not very good at. (And also pretending I am on TV, though usually I am giving my Oscar acceptance speech, not hosting my own cooking show. What? Like you've never practiced that.) And for that reason I love this character and this book.

Author: Joan Bauer

Potentially objectionable content: An abusive Elvis impersonator.

Book #71: "Backwater"

Confession: I have never been especially interested in genealogy. (I know, I know. I'm a disappointment to my people.) But honestly, the way most people go at it, it's all about the names and dates and it's not like I don't understand the point, it's just that it's so...dry. Bereft of intrigue. Boring, even.

But for Ivy Breedlove, genealogy is all about the people and their stories. And given that a fairly large percentage of my sentences start with some variation of "Boy, do I have a story for you!"...well, I may be a convert to the cause.

Author: Joan Bauer

Potentially objectionable content: Not...really? There's a bit of mildly harrowing action toward the end/

Book #70: "Almost Home"

This weekend I made a new friend, which is something I don't do easily. I used to think of myself as shy. As an adult, I've come to realize that word isn't accurate but is certainly more succinct than the actual issue, which is twofold: 1) I am a solitary person by nature and 2) I am somewhat socially awkward. So things like parties and dances are not my favorite unless I know enough people (a somewhat fluid concept, but probably defined as "between two and ten, depending on the size of the crowd.")

This was compounded, growing up, by the unshakable conviction that everyone merely tolerated my presence. Junior high was the worst-by high school, I had developed some coping mechanisms and a supportive group of friends; in my twenties, I gradually discovered that there was nothing wrong with preferring solitude, that the majority of people actually found me delightful, but (and most importantly), it didn't matter what other people thought of me. (That was a major breakthrough in my life. Major breakthroughs get bold fonts.)

So while I certainly have friends, I don't really feel the need to look for others. Sometimes, as John Lennon taught us, the universe has other plans for us. And occasionally those plans manifest themselves as a friend of a friend of a friend needing a place to stay for the weekend. And given my proclivities, my preferred method of entertaining visitors is to show them the books.

I am always hoping for shock and awe when I do this, and boy, did she deliver! Not only was she suitably impressed, but she wanted to talk about how I acquired them, and my method for organizing them, and which ones were my favorites. I found that when discussing my favorites, I tend to talk about authors more than specific titles. And in any list of my favorite authors, Joan Bauer would have to be near the top.

Bauer basically has two audiences for her books: the majority are teen, but in the last several years she has written a few for what bookstores would call young readers, approximately eight to eleven years old. And interestingly, those books tend to have much more intense subject matter than the teen novels. This is probably my favorite of the young reader group, though occasionally heartrending.

Author: Joan Bauer

Potentially objectionable content: Some elements could be difficult for precociously skilled but not emotionally mature readers.

Book #69: "Invisible"

Another ARC, and an entertaining one. The story sort of starts in the middle and never really explains some of what happened before it opens, which I found annoying, but it's a good time.The only other complaint I have is that in a fairly large cast of characters, some of the most interesting ones don't get a lot of time. Other than that, it's a pretty standard teen book. Nothing to really recommend it, but fun.

Author: Marni Bates

Potentially objectionable content: I was surprised by the amount of language present in a teen book. Maybe I'm just getting old.

Book #68: "The Angel of Eleventh Avenue"

A slight, sweet and at times poorly edited story. In lots of entries, I have mentioned where I acquired a particular book, but in this case I can't remember. There are enough clues to make an educated guess: Simon Dewey, painted the cover art, the book takes place in Salt Lake (specifically at Primary Children's Hospital) and I got it sometime before I moved to Utah. All of this suggests I probably bought it at Deseret Book while I worked there, but I don't recall what drew me to it. Sadly, there isn't much more to say about it.

Author: Roy Bates

Potentially objectionable content: A fair amount about religion, particularly about God and angels

Book #67: "Dave Barry Talks Back"

I think it's fairly apparent that I am a big fan of Dave Barry's, judging by the amount of books I own. But amazingly, I was unaware that this one existed until I found it at the used book sale. And it is, as always, reliably funny. It's nice to have things you can depend on.

Author: Dave Barry

Potentially objectionable content: The usual. Some language and crude humor.

Book #66: "Dave Barry Slept Here: A Sort of History of the United States"

As promised, the first part of Dave Barry's trip through US History. I have read this book probably twenty times, and still laugh at lines like, "...things remained fairly calm until 1825, which saw the election of yet another person named John Adams, who was backed by the Party to Elect Only Presidents Named John Adams." Or the bit about Teddy Roosevelt and the stick ("nicknamed Betsy").

It occurred to me on this reading that I have no idea what political party Dave Barry belongs to-not that it matters, but everything seems to be about politics these days, and I find it interesting that I can't tell. Also, he mentions the year he was born, which means he's pushing 70, which is MIND-BOGGLING to me. I mean, I know he's been writing books most of my life, but somehow he just never seems to get older.

Author: Dave Barry

Potentially objectionable content: Some language and crude humor

Book #65: "Dave Barry's Money Secrets"

I've never been good with money. Like a lot of people, I live paycheck to paycheck, and it's only in my thirties that I have been able to get my bills paid (mostly) on time.

After reading this book, my money-managing skills may have actually gotten worse. But it was so funny that I don't care.

Author: Dave Barry

Potentially objectionable content: Some language.

Book #64: "Dave Barry is Not Taking This Sitting Down"

There isn't a lot to say about this book or this author that I haven't already said, so instead I will say this:

You guys. I am, officially and finally and any other -ly that works here, CAUGHT UP. I have now written entries for every book I have read to this point. And it only took...well, in actual time since I fell behind I think it's been about a year, but let's focus on the part where I wrote six entries in one night and say three hours. It only took three hours! Huzzah! Again!

Author: Dave Barry

Potentially objectionable content: There's...a toilet on the cover? This book also gets a little more into political issues. More than usual, anyway.

Book #63: "Dave Barry is NOT Making This Up"

Mark Twain is supposed to have said something about pretty much everything, which is why people quote him so often. It also makes those quotes hard to verify. But because I like it so much, I'm going to use this anyway:

"Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't."

I would also argue that truth tends to be much funnier than fiction, which is why if I had to pick my favorite Dave Barry book, it would be this one. Interestingly, this book also contains a couple of fairly serious pieces, which work just as well for me. And of course, his most popular column EVER: the Bad Song Survey. Along with my time in customer service, the survey emphasizes for me that most profound and universal human condition: people don't always talk much about stuff that makes them happy. But they WILL go on at great length, volume and eloquence about things they HATE. I myself am proof of that more than I care to admit.

But not here, and not now. Here I talk about books, and books are what I love. Reading makes me happy, and reading Dave Barry makes me laugh. Huzzah for humor! (Words make me happy too, and people don't say things like "Huzzah!" enough. I'm changing that.)

Author: Dave Barry

Potentially objectionable content: No more than is ever present with his books

Book #62: "Dave Barry's Homes and Other Black Holes"

A funny thing happened on my way to find this image: I realized I had never seen the cover image before! This is one of the abandoned I adopted to save it from destruction, and is apparently the first one I have come across since I started putting pictures in. So this is evidently what it looks like.

I don't own a home, but there is still a lot to be amused by here.

Author: Dave Barry

Potentially objectionable content: Nothing I can remember.

Book #61: "Dave Barry's History of the Millennium (So Far)'

In this entry, I mentioned that I originally planned to read my library the way it was shelved. I also gave some thought to reading alphabetically by title, but discarded that as untenable because of what it would do to any series I own. (Within any given author, the books are shelved alphabetically by title unless they are part of a series, in which case they are of course in series order.)

There are instances, however, where reading alphabetically by title would be useful, and this is one of them, because this book's title means I end up reading Dave Barry's version of history in reverse chronological order (for the rest of it, see "Dave Barry Slept Here: A Sort-Of History of the United States", coming soon to a blog near you!)

Clearly it doesn't bother me enough to do anything about it-or, more accurately, to do more than spend about thirty seconds complaining about it. I've only read this once before, and the first time I remember thinking I didn't like it as much as "Dave Barry Slept Here". Perhaps I find it more amusing now because we are now about eight years away from its publication, and the perspective that time affords me allows me to find more humor in it. Perhaps I just wasn't paying attention the first time around. Either way, it's still not my favorite, but well worth a read.

Author: Dave Barry

Potentially objectionable content: A lot of political satire, and occasional language

Book #60: "Dave Barry's Greatest Hits"

If you have known me for more than about twelve minutes, you have almost certainly heard me quote Dave Barry. That is because I think he is one of the funniest people on the planet and I adore him. Well, I've never actually met him personally, so it would be more accurate to say I adore his writing. (I'm sure he's delightful in person too.)

I was trying to find my favorite essay from this book, but merely by flipping through it, I discovered so many that like Inigo Montoya, I must say, "No. There is too much. Let me sum up." This book makes me laugh. A lot. You should read it.

Author: Dave Barry

Potentially objectionable content: Not really. These were mostly drawn from Barry's time as a columnist at the Miami Herald in the eighties, so nothing you wouldn't read in the newspaper

Book #59: "Bottom of the 33rd"

As a child, my reading choices were almost exclusively fiction. The fact that my horizons are considerably broader now can be traced to the sports biographies I read (all of which will make an appearance here eventually. Someday. When I get farther in the alphabet than B.) For a while, they were the only non-fiction I was willing to attempt.

And it is one of those books that I was introduced to the topic of this particular volume: the longest game ever played in professional baseball. When this came in as an ARC, I immediately absconded with it.

(Incidentally, when I started this project, my intention was to start with the first book on the shelves and go straight through, But because of the way the library is organized, I would have had to go through all of non-fiction first, and I couldn't bring myself to do that. I'm better at it now, but not that much better! Anyway, had I done it that way, this would have been the first book I read instead of the 59th.)

Beautifully written and filled with fascinating information, humor and appearances by famous players (Bobby Ojeda, Bruce Hurst, Wade Boggs and Cal Ripken Jr.), this is more than the story of a marathon. More than a Who's Who of future stars, More than a list of records set. It is a story about
baseball, and baseball is forever.

Author: Dan Barry

Potentially objectionable content: Fair amount of language

Book #58: "Peter Pan"

When people find out you love to read, they frequently ask a perfectly well-meaning but horrifically difficult question: "What is your favorite book?"

I used to hate this question and all its variants ("What's your favorite movie?" "What's your favorite band?" "What's your favorite food?"). Over the years I have given several different responses, which include but are not limited to: "Oh, I have no idea-too many to choose from"; "How much time do you have?"; and, occasionally, the title of the book I was currently reading. (I also gave some thought to snapping back, "Which is your favorite child?" or whining hyperdramatically, "Why do I have to CHOOOOOOSE?!"

But several years ago, one of my roommates was graduating and moving back to India. I wanted to give her a gift, and (selfishly, I admit) I wanted that gift to remind her of me. So I thought to myself, "Self, if you were a book, what book would you be?" And the answer that immediately came to mind was this one.

I have read this book more times than I can actually remember. It was the first book I ever gave my first niece. And it is now, and most likely always will be, my answer to the question: "What is your favorite book?"

Author: J.M. Barrie

Potentially objectionable content: Battle scenes and an attempted poisoning

Book #57: "Oh Pray My Wings Are Gonna Fit Me Well"

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I READ A BUNCH AND DON'T UPDATE AFTER EACH BOOK.

I forget things. Obviously, this should have come between "Candy Freak" and "The One and Only Ivan". And actually, since those were later additions to the library that happened to fall within the letter I was reading at the time, it should have come between Julie Andrews and Jeffrey Archer. Ironically, I figured out I missed it when I was checking the list to make sure I was writing the books up in the right order.

I like Maya Angelou's poetry, and she was an interesting person also. But I have absolutely no frame of reference for most of the things she went through. So I suppose I would say that her poems appeal to me intellectually, but I can't quite connect with them emotionally.

Author: Maya Angelou

Potentially objectionable content: Honestly can't remember. My recollection is that there are some references to some rated-R experiences, but I have nothing beyond that.

Book #56: "Praise to the Man"

When I close my eyes and picture the summers of my childhood, I have a lot of memories: watching "Petticoat Junction" and "The Beverly Hillbillies" on TV in the mornings; endless games of hide-and-seek in the warm nighttime; trips to Wild Waters. But what I remember best was all the time we spent at the Little League baseball fields.

I mentioned before that I have six siblings: four brothers and two sisters. With varying degrees of enthusiasm, we all played baseball or softball (seven years, in my case; the Jukebox played one year of T-ball.) My mother also served several years as the Little League president, so the majority of our spring and summer nights were spent at the ball fields or in the car on the way there.

This was in the late eighties and early nineties, when legendary radio host Paul Harvey in his broadcasting heyday. In his most famous segment, Harvey would tell a story with a revealing fact (usually a famous person's name or a date in history) saved for the penultimate sentence. He would then conclude his tale with this trademark phrase: "And now you know...the rest of the story."

In this book, Larry Barkdull takes a Paul Harveyian approach to the story of the title hymn. Based on the experiences of W.W. Phelps, I think the subtitle ("a story of uncommon friendship") says it all. If your only experience with this hymn is singing it in church (and wondering why most organists persist in playing it a snail's pace), you need to read this book.

Author: Larry Barkdull

Potentially objectionable content: Incidents from Church history include some violence and other unsettling things.

Book #55: "The Mourning Dove"

When I wrote this entry, I was at my parents' house, and my mom and I discussed the difference between an allegory and a parable. As it happens, it's a squares and rectangles situation: all parables are allegories, but not all allegories are parables. Specifically, it would seem that "parable" only refers to the allegories taught by Jesus in the Bible.

However, I maintain that "parable" describes this book better than "allegory" does. In addition to being based on this Biblical story, the lessons it teaches about love and forgiveness are worthy of the finest sermon in any church.

My affection for this lovely little book are only increased by its setting, which is my hometown.

Author: Larry Barkdull

Potentially objectionable content: There's a somewhat intense scene toward the end.

Book #54: "The Mystery of the Cupboard"

Back near the beginning of this journey, when I was discussing Douglas Adams and Louisa May Alcott, I came to the conclusion that the last books in their respective series were only really necessary for completists. In Alcott's case, I believe my words were "I doubt I'll ever read it again." 

I have similar but more mixed feelings about this series. (Actually, this is not the final book, but I don't really want to read the next one.) The title of this book is very accurate, since it lays out all the whys and wherefores of how the magic works. And it's fun to read, and it certainly has a lot of ramifications for the various relationships in the story, and yet...I, myself, just don't really want to know that much. I would be content for the cupboard to remain a mystery. 

Part of this probably comes from learning there was a fifth book, which I was previously unaware of, and reading the synopsis of said book. I was just...whelmed. (I was not in Europe, but some of the book takes place there, so I think it's okay.)

(Also, turns out that is not just a reference I love, but an actual word, though it does not mean what I thought it meant. Technically it means "buried" or "submerged", which is what I thought "overwhelmed" meant, and...now I might need to lie down.)

Boy. You make one late-nineties teen movie joke and it hijacks your whole thing. The point is, there's a part of me that wants to read the fifth book, because I am a completist in some ways, and I don't care for it out in the universe somewhere, taunting me. Probably with British insults that I wouldn't even understand because I am so delightfully middle-American. But I also don't care about it (in this moment, anyway) enough to find it and read it. And I didn't really want to know what I learned in this book, so there's the possibility that I would get more information I don't want in the last one. Plus if my reaction to the book is the same as my reaction to the summary, it might taint the rest of the series for me. Aggressive mediocrity can do that. But I did like this book, in the end, and it's not fair to judge a book based on what I think it might be, and...

Okay. That right there is why I shouldn't do this late at night, because the more tired I get, the worse the rambling gets. For now, anyway, the fifth book remains unread. The end.

Author: Lynne Reid Banks

Potentially objectionable content: Covered in detail above

Book #53: "The Secret of the Indian"

Third book in the series, and the first time we get to see what happens to the "toy" characters while they are...I suppose the word would be "visiting" the modern world. This book also quite literally ends (or begins to end-I think it's the penultimate chapter) with a bang, so that's always a good time.

Author: Lynne Reid Banks

Potentially objectionable content: More violence and injuries. Also some of it takes place in an Old West saloon. So there's that.

Book #52: "The Return of the Indian"

The sequel to "The Indian in the Cupboard", and its tone is much...not darker, exactly, though I think the tone of this series does get darker with every volume. More dramatic, perhaps, and more about the impact that the premise (being transported from one world to another) can have on every life that's involved.

This book introduces Matron, who is possibly my favorite character in the series, and also an incredible bit of writing in one small paragraph. I haven't quoted much from the books, but there is no better way to share this than verbatim.

(But before that, a quick aside on spoilers. I have done my level best to avoid discussing plots and whatnot, since part of my purpose in doing this is that someone will be interested enough to read what I have read. But there has to be some kind of...statute of limitations, right? This book was published thirty years ago. I am not going to apologize. So there. End of aside.)

Anyway, here is that moment:

"The bag was there. And the uniform, neatly folded, with the orderly's cap upside down on top of the pile. And the boots. And the puttees, the khaki bandages they wore around their legs in that war. Neatly rolled, inside the cap. Nothing else."

This, if you haven't figured it out, describes what happens when Omri puts a plastic figure in the cupboard whose real-life historical counterpart has passed away. And I have shared it for two reasons. One, this is really the moment where the story begins to delve into the realism and depth of this concept-that the toys are merely the vessel used to bring these actual people into Omri's life. And two, that visual (and the niftily-executed metaphor contained therein) is stunning.

Author: Lynne Reid Banks

Potentially objectionable content: This is by far the most violent book in the series, and places the primary characters in more physical and emotional peril than before

Book #51: "The Indian in the Cupboard"

A word about the book cover images: I am doing my very best to post a picture of the edition I actually read. The two issues that arise with that are: 1) Some of the ARCs I have look different once they are officially published, so I can't find an image online; and 2) I have a really great memory, but even so, I can't always remember what edition of some books I own, and I'm not always at home to check when I am doing this. I am hoping to be better about writing the entries right away, so I don't have such a backlog of titles to get through (counting this one, I have nine more before I'm caught up) but I also know that I l lack both discipline and follow-through. Moving on.

This was a favorite of mine when I was a kid, and it still is. Lots of children's books and movies pose the question: what happens to my toys when I am not there? As adults, sadly, we know the answer is: nothing. They stay where you left them. But here and again here and, oh my childhood, especially here, we are allowed to forget what we know and imagine not what is, but what could be.

And so we have the epic story of Omri and his birthday presents: a small plastic figure and an ordinary white medicine cabinet. And the key that makes these ordinary things magic. It's an adventure, and (politically correctness issues notwithstanding) one I still love, all these years later.

Author: Lynne Reid Banks

Potentially objectionable content: Occasional violence. And the racial sensitivity issue, which I am acknowledging but not discussing

Book #50: "The Guilty One"

Another ARC. This one is especially interesting to me, as it deals with a troubling aspect of the criminal justice system: where should the line be drawn with juvenile suspects? Particularly in the case of violent crime, how much consideration should be given to the age of the perpetrator?

There are many people much smarter and better equipped to answer that question than I. They should probably read this book.
I will say I am not wild about the...I don't know exactly what to call it. Can't really say "secondary" story line because as much or more time is spent on it. "Flashbacks" don't really cover it either, though they do take place in the past. Let's say there's two threads in this story: one that follows a crime allegedly committed by a minor and the subsequent trial, and the main character's childhood story, told throughout in flashbacks.

For one thing, I think the flashbacks were used as effectively as they probably can be, but I don't really care for it as a storytelling device. Especially not when done so repeatedly and out of sequence as in this book. For another, the flashbacks set up a huge reveal about the character and then fail to deliver the necessary impact. Yes, the revelation is surprising, in its way, but my reaction was much more "Huh" than "WHAT?!"

Which brings us to the third thing, and the real flaw: I don't believe the flashback thread tells us enough about the protagonist to make it worth my while. Of course, the rest of the story isn't strong enough to be a book on its own, so there's that. So to sum up: Interesting enough, and I'm not sorry I read it, but I AM glad I didn't spend any money on it.

Author: Lisa Ballantyne

Potentially objectionable content: This is a very adult book. Lots of language, lots of difficult themes and a fairly graphic crime.

Book #49: "Jonathan Livingston Seagull"

After giving it some thought, I have decided that perhaps I should post a picture of each book cover. So I'll start that here and we'll see how it goes.

Anyway, nothing like a good allegory! I first read this probably twenty or so years ago, but did not own a copy until a friend gave it to me for my 25th birthday. And it remains now, as it was then, a beautifully rendered fable about being who you are, about never giving up, and about achieving your dreams.

Author: Richard Bach

Potentially objectionable content: Not really.

Book #48: "Tuck Everlasting"

This is a particular favorite of my sister the Jukebox. I myself didn't read this book until quite a while after I saw the movie, and personally, I prefer the movie. It's a lovely story, but even the most dramatic bits have something of a dreamlike quality, which means they don't have quite the impact that the movie does. Beautifully written though.

Author: Natalie Babbitt

Potentially objectionable content: Some parts might be a little much for very young people

Book #47: "Far From Here"

When I was in high school, I was...not an exemplary student. I used to describe my scholastic approach as "did enough to get by", but that implies a level of foresight and planning that frankly was not present. In all honesty, I did the work I felt like doing. This naturally led to some difficulties in most of my classes (everything but choir, drama, Spanish, and, interestingly enough, geometry. I don't care for math classes generally but I loved my teacher.)

My grades suffered the most in English classes, which always surprised people. (Still does, as a matter of fact.) The problem was this: every English class I took in high school required the reading of several books over the course of the school year. And to make sure the books were read, the
various teachers all assigned a schedule; so many pages read by each date, and at each checkpoint some kind of response to the book would be required. What you thought the character was feeling, predictions about plot, thoughts about symbolism, etc.

So the issue I ran into (repeatedly) is that I would take the books home and read them in a couple of hours, and then either not bother to complete the responses at the required time (because I didn't feel like it) or just forget about them. Usually there would be four or five of those assignments per book. worth maybe five or ten points each, and to my knowledge I never did a single one. Missing one or two would not have affected my grade significantly; missing thirty or forty a year did. As a result, despite knowing the material and excelling on the tests, I barely got through English every single year.

Nowadays, they often print what I think of as English-class-assignment questions in the back of books, I think mostly to inspire discussion in book clubs. Given my relationship with such things, it is not difficult to imagine how I feel about them, But I occasionally scan them anyway, and in this book one of the questions about the ending did make me reconsider how I'd interpreted the book. So well done, Discussion Question People!

This was an ARC I got during my bookstore days. It's about relationships and discovering how well you can really know another person, even (and perhaps particularly) in marriage. I found it interesting and a little frustrating.

Author:  Nicole Baart

Potentially objectionable content: Some language, sex, intense scenes.

Book #46: "Expecting Joy"

This is a sweet and fairly quick read. First-person narrative can sometimes be off-putting, particularly when there is a dialect of sorts involved, but it works here. I also find LDS authors to be something of a gamble; they're usually excellent or terrible, with not a lot of middle ground. I like this book, and I think (though I am not certain) it is actually a sequel.

Author: Janene Wolsey Baadsgaard

Potentially objectionable content: Hot-button political topic (abortion) a plot point.

Book #45: "The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle"

Children can be divided into two camps: those who like to read, and those who really don't. And in my admittedly anecdotal experience, the following generalizations can also be made: More girls like to read than boys; most girls don't care if the characters are male or female, which is good, because children's literature features more male protagonists than female; most boys between the ages of eight and fourteen won't read a book with a female protagonist. So here is my soapbox moment. Parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, teachers, friends: encourage reading in kids. Teach them to read a lot of different things. Show them how to identify good writing and that even poor writing can have something to offer. Help them discover what appeals to them and why. But for the love of Harry Potter, do not discourage a particular title because it's a "boy" book or a "girl" book, okay? Books are books, and books are good.

Soapbox over. This was one of my favorite books as a kid, and still one I recommend all the time. Historical fiction, a female protagonist who was roughly my age when I first read it, and a villain who is completely unhinged to boot. It's still great.

Author: Avi

Potentially objectionable content: Has some rather scary moments.

Book #44: "Lady Susan"

This is the Jane Austen book that no one has ever heard of-and with good reason, since it's not as good as the others.It's also told entirely in letters, which is occasionally tedious. But a not-as-good Austen is still better than a lot of writers' best. And the main character/villain is all kinds of nuts, which I always enjoy.

So at the end of my Austen section, I have just this to say: You win, Jane. I will never doubt again.

Author: Jane Austen

Objectionable content: I cannot stress enough how completely batty Lady Susan is. But it's Jane Austen battiness, so it's still genteel.

Book #43: "Persuasion"

And now we have come at last to my favorite Austen novel: the lovely and lyrical "Persuasion". This was my second time reading it, and I was a little nervous that I might not like it as much. I should have had more faith. It's perfect. So perfect that I both wanted it to be longer and realized it didn't need to be.

If pressed, I admit it would be difficult to define exactly why I love it so much. I certainly identified with Anne Elliot much more than any other Austen heroine: I was 27 when I read it the first time and had some relationship woes of my own. But more than that I would be unable to say. So I will leave you with this thought: "Pride and Prejudice" has been done (and redone, and modernized, and Mormon-ized, and Bollywood-ed, and even zombie-fied). ENOUGH. Let's do some "Persuasion" movies now.

Author: Jane Austen

Potentially objectionable content: None.

Book #42: "Northanger Abbey"

To be honest, I really wasn't looking forward to reading this one, "Northanger Abbey" is Jane Austen's satirical take on a Gothic novel, and my best recollection from the first time I read it is that she couldn't ever quite decide whether she was being sarcastic or not, so I ended up thinking the book was...well, kind of stupid.

I'm sorry, Jane. I take it back. It's hysterical. Funnier than "Emma". Yes, the ending is a bit abrupt and resolves fairly quickly, but still delightful. Forgive me.

Author: Jane Austen

Potentially objectionable content: None.

Book #41: "Emma"

There isn't a lot to say about this experience that I haven't said about the previous Austen books, except that the modern movie adaptation is accurately named. I also found it not quite as funny as I had remembered, though it certainly has its moments. But in finding less humor, I also found more beautiful language. A more than fair trade.

Author: Jane Austen

Potentially objectionable content: Well, Mr. Elton is a jerk.

Book #40: "Mansfield Park"

When I was growing up (and still today, though I am not around to witness it as much) my parents watched a lot of sports on TV-my father in his comfy chair in the family room, my mother on her bed upstairs with some sort of project (cross-stitch, sewing, knitting, etc.) They are people of strong but conflicting loyalties (my mother is a Lakers and Rams fan; my father likes the Suns and the Cowboys), hence the separate rooms. They are also people who like to shout at the television as though it would affect the outcome of whatever event they are watching, which made hanging out on the middle floor of our house quite the experience, particularly if you were unfortunate enough to be there when their teams played each other.

I can only give my parents a hard time about this because it's a trait I inherited. I talk to EVERYTHING, which is why my car and my electronic devices all have names. (Important to be able to scold things properly, and also to encourage them when necessary. Positive reinforcement is especially important to the continuing maintenance of motor vehicles.) And though I don't watch a lot of sports, I do read a lot of books, and I tend to get very involved. Which is why, no matter how many times I have read something, I frequently find myself being baffled and/or frustrated by the characters' actions.

This brings us to "Mansfield Park", which I mentioned before as the only Austen novel I enjoyed the first time. And I still like it, even though it features one of the most oblivious love-interests in all of modern literature (and only misses out on the top spot because of Emma. And Scarlett O'Hara. More on both of those later.) I spent this time through thinking, repeatedly, "Seriously, Edmund. Get it together, man!"

But I find his perpetual obtuseness annoying, at least in part, because of the many, many times in my life when I have been focused on something I was sure I needed to make me happy, only to discover eventually that I was wrong, wrong, wrong. So I suppose I can cut Edmund Bertram some slack.

Author: Jane Austen

Potentially objectionable content: None,

Book #39: "Pride and Prejudice"

I've already talked about Jane Austen, and how glad I am to have given her another try after my first attempt. It made me think that perhaps I am not capable of judging a book on the first go-round, and that I should liken all books to Jane Austen, as it were. That led to a not-nearly-as-joyful experience, which, as I don't own the books in question, I shall tell here.

I had heard about "Twilight" by Stephanie Meyer, but had never read them, due to my feelings about reading a series before it was completed. The fourth and final book had come out, and I was home for Christmas and away from my own library, so I thought I'd give it a shot. And the first one wasn't bad. I mean, it definitely wasn't great, but it was engaging enough to convince me to read the second book. Which was also fine, at least until the end. I didn't remember the third book at all when I was done with it, and the fourth book had a) so many plot holes and 2) such a TERRIBLE ending that I came very close to throwing it in frustration. (But for the book belonging to someone else...)

So okay, not my thing. Fine.(Incidentally, I am of the firm belief that you must read, or watch, or listen to a thing before you are allowed to criticize it. You can say, "Oh, it doesn't appeal to me" or something of that nature, but that is all you get to say. No judging without trying. This will be important in a minute.) Lots of other people liked it; I did not; the world goes on. But then I remembered Jane Austen, and I thought perhaps I should give them another go. 

And the second time around...they were even worse. Faults that I had been willing to accept on the first try became intensely annoying; faults that annoyed me on the first try made me CRAZY. (Seriously, "Breaking Dawn". So. Many. PLOT HOLES. I am being vague here for the sake of the seven people left in the world that haven't read the books/seen the movies, but if ever you have a free hour and would like to hear me expound on this at length, believe me, I have material.) I did remember the third book after reading it the second time, and actually thought some of its content could have been interesting in better hands, but overall...

So I decided I had done enough and resolved never to read them again. That is until I moved back in with my parents and had all my books packed up and hadn't gotten a job yet and had read everything else in the house. A third time only reinforced my opinion. I feel completely justified in saying, with a clear conscience, that those books are JUST AWFUL. The end.

But you know what's NOT awful? "Pride and Prejudice". It's not my favorite Austen book (that one is coming later) but it is easy to see why it is considered her masterpiece. I am a fan of funny and this book is loaded with it (usually voiced by Mr. Bennet, who is my favorite character.) When I read it the first time, I thought it was overrated; after the third time, I can report that, unlike "Twilight", this book gets better every time.

Author: Jane Austen

Potentially objectionable content: None.

Book #38: "Sense and Sensibility"

Back during my (very brief) college days, a co-worker found out that I had never read anything by Jane Austen, and said that I could not call myself a proper English major without reading her books. This was during my first bookstore experience, and as it happened we had a collection of her novels in stock for about...12 or 13 dollars? (It's been more than ten years. I'm guessing.) "Sense and Sensibility" was first, so I started there.

And was...not impressed. I'd seen the movie and loved it (particularly as it stars two of my favorite actresses, Emma Thompson and Kate Winslet) but none of my favorite lines from the movie were in the book. And her sentences were so LONG, and the punctuation was so old-fashioned (more on that when we get to Dickens). The only one I really liked at all was "Mansfield Park", which I'd never heard of before. I just couldn't see what the big deal was, and after "Emma", I gave up.

Several years later, while living in Utah, I started my first alphabetical reading project, and in the course of time came to Jane Austen again. I discovered, much to my surprise, that I actually quite enjoyed her books the second time around. In addition, I read the three I hadn't attempted before and discovered a new love (more on that later also).

So here we are on my third time around, and I am less surprised (but thoroughly delighted!) to report that I like it even more still. Though not quite as funny as "Pride and Prejudice" or "Emma", Elinor's internal snarkiness is fantastic, and there is drama and romance to boot. If you've never read any of her books, or read them and didn't like them, I would encourage you to give her a chance. I will always be glad I did.

Author: Jane Austen

Potentially objectionable content: Nothing to worry about here

Book #37: "The One and Only Ivan"

When I was in elementary school, my very favorite thing was book orders. Remember those? I used to pore over them, deciding which books I wanted (pretty much all of them), what our family budget would allow me to get (I have six siblings, at least three of which had book orders at the same time) and wondering whether what I ultimately got would last long enough to get me to the next month (pretty much never). When I went to junior high I assumed I had left book orders behind forever.

That is until last month. My sister-in-law, who may be my only relative with a comparable book addiction to my own, works at a day care and thus qualifies as a teacher. Meaning SHE HAS ACCESS TO BOOK ORDERS. And with that, she became my newest ally in increasing the size of my library. Because they get benefits for ordering books, it even counts as a good deed! It's for the children! I am (so far) managing to keep my purchases to reasonable amounts, but more disposable income + book order discounts = lots more books for me!

And thus my newest acquisition, the 2013 Newbery winner. The Newbery Medal has been awarded to "the most distinguished contribution to American literature for children" since 1922. Of those 94 titles, I have read 19, all of which I have thoroughly enjoyed, with one exception: Beverly Cleary's "Dear Mr. Henshaw". (Don't start with me. I love her. She's brilliant. That is not her best work. It's not even the best of the nominated titles that year, which in my opinion is "A Solitary Blue" by Cynthia Voigt. But that aside, she only won the award once, and it was not for the far superior "The Mouse and the Motorcycle", "Emily's Runaway Imagination" or one of the Ramona books. I'm annoyed by it. Clearly.)

Fortunately, I have no such feelings about Katherine Applegate. "The One and Only Ivan" is lovely. Profound, thoughtful and moving, with an interesting premise. Read it.


Author: Katherine Applegate

Potentially objectionable content: Animal neglect

Book #36 "Candy Freak"

I left my job at the bookstore just over a year ago, after working there for three years and nine months. I started part-time and eventually moved up to full-time work as the children's lead, which was simultaneously one of the best and most frustrating jobs I've ever had. There's nothing like seeing a kid become interested in books for the first time and knowing you played a part in that. Also, the annoying adults who cannot remember the title or author or basic plot of a book they heard about on Ellen six months ago (or maybe it was The View. One of them talk-show things) but somehow expect you to know and get downright snippy when you can't...in the children's department, they are parents who say things like, "I've got a ten-year-old boy that doesn't like to read. Can you come up with something that will work?" It's a challenge. It's rewarding. It's delightful.

But my particular experience was hampered by corporate mandates that discouraged thinking outside the box and a manager who managed to quash every ounce of creativity I managed to express. So I finally had enough and left to work in credit card collections, which sounds like it would be awful and really (really!) is not. It has its moments, to be sure, as does any job (particularly one that requires any level of dealing with the general public) but the pros far outweigh the cons. One of those benefits is VTO (Voluntary Time Off) in which the powers that be will permit you to leave early if it turns out they're not as busy as they anticipated. Which is how, Saturday afternoon, I found myself at a $3.99-for-all-used-books sale.

Here I would like to pause for just a moment to acknowledge my sisters, who aid and abet my book addiction. My youngest sister (the Jukebox), who has the burden of living with the library, is my frequent (albeit occasionally reluctant) accomplice. She has spent many hours assembling shelves, cataloging books, and listening to my unrepentant zeal on the topic with only the smallest amount of annoyance. My other sister professes not to understand why I NEED the books with me all the time, but then brings me a box of Sweet Valley High books from a garage sale and tells me about a new book website she found. (I haven't looked at it yet. I wanted to get this done first.) My sister-in-law just reintroduced me to an exciting and enticing world, which I will talk about in the next entry.

And at work, I have my friend the Activist (she's passionate about causes), who texted me Saturday to let me know about the sale. The Activist and her husband are book addicts too, which is always nice to find in friends. (Though Activist Husband did greet my appearance at the sale with, "If you are here to steal my books, I WILL CUT YOU." I think he was kidding. Mostly. Bibliophiles get very possessive sometimes.) Also, I assumed the Jukebox would not be happy about YET MORE BOOKS coming home with me, but her reaction could best be described as resignation ("I've resigned myself to the fact that there's no stopping you") and an order not to go crazy (which she defined as "buying more than ten books".)

I didn't. I bought four, one of which I already had, so I gave it to her. (And yes, I do have a list, and yes, I have it on my phone, but I had just doubled my shelf space and redone my categories so it wasn't up-to-date.) The other three were a collection of humorous essays, a volume to complete a series and this one.

I actually read this book when it came out, back in 2004. At the time, I was attracted both by the title and the portion of the book dedicated to my native Idaho (even if the candy bar in question, the Idaho Spud, has never appealed to me.) I was surprised this time around by the amount of introspection and life-evaluating to be had from a book about candy. It's also informative, amusing and occasionally profound.

Author: Steve Almond

Potentially objectionable content: Some language, coarse jokes and the author hates coconut, which is...weird.

Book aborted

This blog is about reading my library in alphabetical order, and in the beginning I thought every entry would be my thoughts on a particular book, whether an old friend or a new one. And I almost didn't write this, because...look, I love to read, okay? I read pretty much every chance I get. Magazines, Internet articles, video game manuals, it's all fair game to me. I have learned something valuable from just about everything I've ever read. So when I find a book I just can't make myself read, I see it as something of a personal failure. For whatever ridiculous reason, I feel like I should be better than that, somehow.

But I eventually decided that this was really supposed to be about the reading experience, and discovering your limits is part of the experience. I discovered years ago that the limit of my patience (not my most notable quality) was reached in trying to slog through Victor Hugo. (I no longer own anything by him, and I will talk about that at a later date.) I was able to reconcile myself to that...eventually.

Learning it really is perfectly okay to just say, "You know what? This isn't for me" is part of the experience too. It doesn't say anything bad about the author, or the book itself, or about you. There are simply too many books and not enough time, and choices will eventually have to be made. So to Rita Askew, author of "Kind of Kin", I would like to say two things. First of all, thank you for helping me get to this place in my life. And secondly, I'm sure you're a delightful person and your book is lovely. But you know what? I'm sorry. It just isn't for me.

Book #35: "Guitar Boy"

Back at book #5, I mentioned ARCs (Advance Reader Copies) as one of the perks of working in a bookstore. Another one of those perks is strips, which are mass-market paperbacks that are returned to the publishers. The company I worked for allowed each employee to take home five of these a month, so I had yet another way to increase the size of my library.

Side note about ethics here: the stripped books I own would have been destroyed anyway, so I feel okay about saving them from death. Also I plan to replace all my strips with purchased copies as I find them, partly because I do want to give the authors their money and partly (to be perfectly frank) because stripped books are not as aesthetically pleasing as I would prefer.

This particular book was one of the forsaken orphans. I was working as the children's lead bookseller at the time and was always looking for new things to recommend, plus music-referencing titles are always appealing to me. It is a sweet, occasionally somewhat bleak story about love, music, survival, standing up for what you believe in-in short, about life. I loved it and would recommend it to anyone, with the caveat that some of it (mother being in a hospital, angry/borderline abusive dad) might be a bit much for young readers.

Author: Mary Jane Auch

Potentially objectionable content: See above-mentioned adult themes

Book #34: "Choose Your Own Autobiography"

You are standing in the biography section of your favorite bookstore, looking at the new arrivals. Wait...is that...can it be...yes! The long-awaited autobiography of Neil Patrick Harris, beloved actor/singer/magician/all-around amazingly cool guy, is there in front of you. Calling to you. Begging you to make it yours.

But, you say to yourself, I have all those books at home. I'm in the middle of a herculean reading project. And no matter how much I tell myself otherwise, if I buy the book, I will read it. RIGHT NOW. And I don't really have space for anything new. Eventually it will come out in paperback and it will be much less expensive, by which time I might have reached the letter H in my library and have bought some more shelves. I should really just wait...

And then, seemingly of its own volition, you see your hand, reaching out...



If you listen to your inner voice and go home empty-handed, go on to the next blog post.

If you buy the book and take it home and race through it, loving every minute and laughing out loud repeatedly, then you are just like me and we should be friends.

Author: Neil Patrick Harris

Potentially objectionable content: Language, sex, etc.

Book #33: "As You Wish: Inconceivable Stories from the Making of The Princess Bride "

Okay, guys. You know what, I tried. I really did. Not working at the bookstore made it a lot easier not to add to my library. (Friends on Facebook telling me that the public library is having a book sale...not so much.) But when the lead actor from one of my favorite movies writes a book about the making of said movie...well, it was too much to resist.

And a delightful book it is. I am always fascinated by behind-the-scene things, though they usually include a lot of unpleasant details that mean you can never look at the movie or people in quite the same way again. But Cary Elwes tells the story with immense glee, as though all these years later, he still can't quite believe he was ever lucky enough to have this experience. And it brings me great joy to know that something I love so much was just as much fun to create as I have always hoped.

Author: Cary Elwes

Potentially objectionable content: None that I remember. Maybe some language.

Book #32: "To Cut a Long Story Short"

Another (far superior) short story collection. My personal favorite is "The Endgame" but there are many good ones in this volume.

Author: Jeffrey Archer

Potentially objectionable content: Same as always with Archer

Book #31: "Sons of Fortune"

As I believe I mentioned before, my mother introduced me to Jeffrey Archer, and if you were to ask her for a favorite, she would tell you hers is "Not A Penny More, Not A Penny Less", which I have read but do not own. I would have a difficult time choosing one, but if pressed, I would probably say this one,

As I know I have mentioned before, one of Archer's favorite themes is essentially nature vs. nurture: what makes us who we are? And in this book, he addresses it directly with the story of twins separated at birth. We have seen this done in countless other books, shows and movies, and I am of the opinion that no one has ever done it better.

In addition to recurring themes, Archer has several plot points that tend to show up repeatedly. His main character (predominantly male) will have some sort of athletic skill and meet someone when he is young who ends up being his best friend for like, usually someone from a fairly wealthy family. He will also meet a girl he initially dislikes intensely (or who intensely dislikes him) whom he will end marrying. In almost every book, a marriage will end in divorce, someone will run for an office, someone will have a miscarriage and someone will commit suicide. And yet, for all the predictability, Archer never ceases to entertain and surprise me.

Author: Jeffrey Archer

Potentially objectionable content: Same as always for Archer. Language, sex, war, etc.

Book #30: "Shall We Tell the President?"

A classic Jeffrey Archer title, originally written in 1977 with Ted Kennedy in the title role. When events in the senator's life made such a circumstance extremely unlikely, Archer rewrote the book with his protagonist from "The Prodigal Daughter", Florentyna Kane. I have never read the original version (I'm not sure if it's possible to find it anymore) but I love this one. Part political thriller, part mystery, part romance, this is Archer at his storytelling best.

Author: Jeffrey Archer

Potentially objectionable content: Some language, sex and violence

Book #29: "A Quiver Full of Arrows"

First, a bit of housekeeping. Though my books are alphabetized (and thus, read) without regard to any article that begins the title, it's awkward to write them that way. So though this title technically starts with an A, it's shelved under Q. Clear as mud? Okay.

Jeffrey Archer is never a bad writer, but I am not wild about his short stories, particularly in this volume. In fact, there was one story I didn't even remember reading (possibly because it was about cricket, which I am firmly convinced no American can ever really understand, but I barely get football, so what do I know?) There is at least one story that I did like-"The First Miracle", about Pontius Pilate as a child. Probably not worth buying on the sake of that one alone, though.


Author: Jeffrey Archer

Potentially objectionable content: Some language and sex references

Book #28: "The Sins of the Father"

I only own the first two of this series in hard copy-the other two I got on my Nook last summer when we were headed to our family reunion. But EVERY SINGLE ONE of them ends with a terrible cliffhanger, and this one is particularly gut-wrenching. That's it. For real, this time-no more series until all the books are out.

Author: Jeffrey Archer

Potentially objectionable content: See above.

Book #27: "Only Time Will Tell"

Back during my brief college experience, I had developed a deep and intense dislike of waiting for the next book in a series to be released (Harry Potter and The Work and the Glory were largely responsible) and had thus sworn that I would never again start a series until it was completed. This firm resolve lasted until a roommate gave me a Christmas gift-the first book in a series I really wanted to read. I intended to take it home and give it to my mother, but in case you haven't noticed already, I have a serious book addiction.

So I have made this vow several times since, with varying levels of success-and by that I mean I was able to go months or even years without starting a new series, and then something would come along and ruin it. In this instance, I didn't know it was going to be a series, because I'd never seen Jeffrey Archer do that before. And believe me, I was INCREDIBLY annoyed when I got to the end and realized it. Vow broken again.

Anyway, enough about my issues. The books address a theme Archer is fond of, namely: do the circumstances of our birth dictate who we will be? And based on the way he deals with it (in this book and others) I'm going to say he thinks...yes. And no. Being born to privilege doesn't make you a good person, anymore than being born without it makes you a bad one-in fact, it would sometimes seem that exactly the opposite is true, especially in Archer's works.

But what he really likes to explore is the small decisions that shape our lives and make us who we are. And though the decisions made by others can change our lives for good or for ill, it is really how we react to our circumstances that makes us who we are.

Author: Jeffrey Archer

Potentially objectionable content: Some language, some sex, some intense sequences

Big things coming

Okay, so I still haven't caught up. But I will. Thanks to my favorite just-younger brother, I now have a brand-new laptop. I thought about naming it Lappy 486 but, since it weighs in at much less than 42 pounds and has a battery life much longer than one-half of ten minutes (I think-I have't tested it yet), I have decided to name it Watson. Watson the Third. So soon...very soon...we shall be all caught up and reading again.